Posts Tagged Oneitis
Quick Definition: A disease (hence the ‘itis) where a man is stuck on one girl, and feels that she is the one, usually to the detriment of developing a relationship with that girl. –Vince Lin
An unhealthy romantic obsession with a single person. Usually accompanied by un-reciprocated affection and completely unrealistic idealization of the same person- John, snap out of your oneitis man. She’s not into you. -Urban dictionary
I first learned about the term oneitis from the PUA (pick up artist) community. First became aware of the PUA community from reading the Game by Neil Strauss. The PUA community is a self-help oriented movement that helps guys pick up women. It often portrayed that it is designed to objectify and take advantage of women, while there is a definite element of that in the community. It has helped many shy social awkward guys find the tools to develop relationships with women. There are various schools and approaches taught within the community. These school are based on some of the guru’s in the field there is the: Mystery Method taught by Mystery, Speed Seduction by Ross Jeffries, CockyFunny by David D’angelo, and Real Social Dynamics taught by Tyler Durden. Despite the different schools of thought they all fall under the umbrella of PUA. The hub on the web for the group is www.fastseduction.com.
They have invented their own terms and phrases that are used by members of the community. One of the terms used is Oneiiis. Oneitis is when a single man is dating and he suddenly becomes fixated on one woman. This is problematic because the man just met the woman. He does not have any explicit commitment to her and she does not have any commitment to him. It is also likely that there has been minimal if any sexual contact between the man and the woman he just met. So what an end up happening is the women perceives the guy as very needy and clingy and is thus turned off by him. The man who is suffering from oneitis may continue to pursue her and she tells her friends that this guy is a stalker. So how does one avoid oneitis? Well I advocate dating multiple women at once. I liken this to applying for a job its usually a good idea to apply to several jobs at the same time. One of the reason for this is that it gives to options and we you have options it is easier to demonstrate your value. Also if one job or one woman rejects you it’s not a big deal. So am I advocating multiple relationships? No but I am not against them if that is your thing. The point of this piece on oneitis is that oneitis is a disease before you have a commitment established. That commitment should be established through an explicit discussion of the terms of your relationship. Often people think they are in a relationship when they are in fact suffering from oneitis. Once you have a commitment it is no longer oneitis it’s a relationship!